5 thoughts on “‘PRETTY’ HAS NEVER GOT ME A JOB….”

1. You may not have liked their comment and I see why but as a habitual follower of yours, I can understand why they’re on about it because in society when it comes to women? There are privileges and even if you find yourself not necessarily experiencing those privileges, by a broad scale, to others more oppressed than you, you ARE. Pretty may not have ever gotten you a job, but it does keep you liked, not just your cool attitude and ability to play good music/speak on issues. It isn’t realistic and I think attractive women like you deny this all of the time to make your hard-work seem like it will be the thematic emblem of all our lives. Yes, you work hard but it isn’t just that. Do you really think someone would hire a black woman on a radio station like yours to play urban music on a broad scale? No, and if they were to: I can promise you to your own face that it would not happen unless she was racially ambiguous and could pass as something else. That’s the politics. So while you may be blind to this because you genuinely do work hard and have struggled to overcome the bad odds: it is still unfair to presume that this isn’t the reality for many. To be black in London, and be in your industry, is just as bad as what you experience, if not worse. At least you do fit the standard of acceptance and beauty, your skin color is considering threatening, and people love exotic females. Just cause online people make these melanin tags and all sorts of stuff, doesn’t mean they check for everybody. The black market is even harder to crack because people like to keep them there. I consider myself mixed race but I’m also not blind to the oppression that black women in this sort of industry face just because I have social advantages. I hope you can adopt the same mindset. Sometimes it seems belittling to be called pretty and have people assume that’s all we are capable of because it feels good, when we do work hard. But recognize that for someone who is overweight, dark, with prominently black features society will treat them like crap in their own communities. I’m a big fan of the breakfast club podcast with Angela yee and I usually listen at night when it gets posted on soundcloud because of time zones. Angela Yee has a similar story to yours and has time and time again said that pretty and light skinned never got her a job. It wasn’t until recently that she realized that people lie. And that it has in fact encouraged her to get a job. And keep it. So yeah we all face our issues but I can’t blame anyone feels how they do about this because it’s clear that even in urban communities they’d rather have an ambiguous, possible non black, and passing person represent mobo. It’s sad but true. Either way keep doing you and don’t feel small just cause of folks opinion on this. Yeah you’re pretty, but you’re also cool! Every one need to love themselves for who they are and it is a journey not just a destination. Would love to hear you speak more on this. Have you considered YouTube?

   1. Where do I start with my reply….Well Mikayla thanks for sharing your thoughts. I totally understand and know it’s incredibly tough for all of us when we are in the minority and I know it can be even tougher for black women. But honestly don’t ever forget to the majority that is white we are all black whatever shades we are. I can only share my experiences but having friends that are all races has also made me totally aware how much shit we deal with as smart women of colour. Think of it like this … why is there only 1 Oprah, 1 June Sarpong, 1 Margarita Taylor when we were growing up?? This is a huge problem but I don’t want us to be defeated and only work in Urban fields of entertainment or feel we have no place? That’s not fair, but where are our role models?? I’m trying to create new platforms and hope to be in a position to hire other young talented women of all colours to share the journey with. My dad has always reminded me that we are a minority and never get comfortable. That has always saddened me but it’s the reality when we are not the majority. Being exotic, light skin doesn’t make me feel any better when I deal with racism in the work place and politically in correct jokes. I’m glad we are having these conversations and are smart enough to be respectful to each other to share our thoughts, opinions and personal experiences. I wish you all the best with all you aspire to be and do. Max x

      1. Hi Max,

         Really kind of you to reply. I definitely understand where you are coming from and love that you don’t view people or their worth on their outward image/projected disposition and I personally respect that. Being mixed race, I have a lot of other black female friends and other women of color. I never realized why some of this was important until I learned that it was partially because of the way people viewed them compared to me. I definitely agree with you that we are all black, because we are not white. It’s an idea I’ve always agreed with. But a friend had explained it to me like this: when we walk into a room, people’s eyes gravitate towards me or our other friends who “look like” me. It hurt me because initially I thought that we all had the same sort of look, but when she explained it, she then said, “No, you are the standard. I am the “regular” black girl, who is unliked and stigmatized.” I was very offended. I wondered how someone could try and separate a woman of color from another. I got angry, we had our first fight. After speaking with a cousin of mine, I called her quickly and apologized two weeks later. It was something I was not blind to, but had too much pride to say it was the way people saw us. I blamed it on her insecurities initially, but then I realized that that’s how it is. While I never saw her as the person she would describe to others, but in society; I always had more opportunities to shine. She has vowed to not dance again in London, and has moved to the states where she feels there are more markets for women of color like her instead of constantly being overshadowed. We both went to the same college for performing arts, there were times when we auditioned for the same roles. She never got any and it wasn’t because she couldn’t dance: she was fantastic. It is just because they would say I looked a lot more friendly, and that she looked too aggressive. It was not true. So, that is why I see things differently now. I definitely hear you on why there should not have to only be “one of us” because it is a shame there’s only ONE Oprah, ONE Margaret, ect. I do believe that being a smart woman trumps all. And while I do see preferential biases to acceptably beautiful people to be unfair, I know the bigger problem is just white patriarchy, colorism, and a long era of subconscious manipulation from those in power. We shouldn’t have to stay in just one place, and we should be able to take our platforms to the mainstream. I admire you, and Free from the old 106&park because you are both women who have come a long way in this industry. I love people like Scottie Beam, Rocsi, Angela Yee, Clara Amafo. (Bad spelling on my part lol) my main hope is just for people to love themselves and I do think women as a whole deserve self-love. A lot of times we are in competition with each other because there are limited seats for us on a whole. So sometimes I don’t blame people for their anger. I personally never see things from such a bitter or lacking point of view, but I understand that view because it makes many women feel unloved. I don’t know what profession or ambitions that individual @habeshagirl has, but I did feel for them because I do know how feeling unloved makes me feel as a woman. Or feeling like being yourself is worse than being someone else. I am lucky to have been raised never experiencing inferiority complexes in that way because a lot of smart women hold themselves back because they believe physically they are not beautiful or unable to be seen or accepted by a wide majority. I teach dance and am 21 right now. I see a lot of superficiality in the space I’m in now, and my biggest encouragement to young girls in my classes is to be who they are and don’t copy anyone else because they lose very special pieces of themselves as dancers when they do that. There are girls who hate their bodies in my classes, there are girls who dance in the back line so they don’t have close views of themselves via the mirror. It is very heartbreaking. They believe that pretty won’t get them jobs, but it will make them more appealing. Sometimes, I don’t know how to help because I’m young myself. I teach advanced contemporary and advanced to beginner hip hop, all levels really. These things bother me as someone who considers them self an artist, and humanist. There have been times I’ve wanted to record people to place on Instagram and I’ve had girls cry and beg to not be on camera because they “are bad or look ugly” and it’s just a shame. These are smart girls, not just academically but very conscious, influential, and self-sufficient girls. Just very lost. I say all of this because it is definitely an issue that I’m proud as a supporter to see you confront. I’d like to blame it on other people’s insecurities, but deep down, nobody chooses to hate pieces of themselves, that is learned. I just can’t wait for the day that women see their beauty from their intelligence and talents, not just through amazing clothes, makeup, accessories, hair styles. Those are all okay to love, but self love should be everything, not just one or the other. Let’s hope these conversations bring healing to all who need it. I was really intrigued by this and I went through YouTube and found some great videos: specifically one by this female-

         https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lK8zyZI2db0

         I think it was very powerful to watch and will be for any female who feels “victimized” by ideas that she can’t get anywhere because of the way they look. I really respect you and the hard work you’ve put in for our generation and putting us on the map. I would love to see you speak on a panel one day about being a woman in this industry, swear down you and Shannon Boodram (@shanboody) are my heroes! Hard work and intelligence do pay off, and yes there are certain social privileges but those are not what fuel either of you to get ahead because you stand for the struggle and not act against it.

         Thanks for the well wishes. Much love

         1. You rock and have made me feel great. When I set out to try something new and create my own platform Blog and youtube ( still working to make enough time for that and do the right content) I wanted to create a place where we were able to talk to each other as women and girls and support one another. Reading your words has shown there are other girls like me who give a shit and want to speak out but in a postive way not to make others feel crap. I really don’t like discussing on Twitter and IG as it always ends up with people being ignorant and not just listening and talking to each other. You make some great points a lot I agree with. I will say this as young girls from an early age we are taught to look pretty and have nice hair this continues through school, college, uni and worse in the work place. I love clothes and make -up too but there is a whole other side to us, we are thoughtful, thinkers and have so much to share aside from how we get our curls so perfect ( mine looks more like a bush most days lol)
            Thanks for sharing your thoughts from the heart babe and keep killing it and putting out your energy. You are my role model too xxx

   2. I also agree we need to talk about these things more however uncomfortable it makes us and others feel x

Comments are closed.